There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
