im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
