There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
