i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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