why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
