I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
