guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
