his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i now understand why vodka
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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