Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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