marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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