She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
