saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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