New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
