Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
