I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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