I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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