worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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