He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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