one might say we're banned from that church
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
