I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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