glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
