pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
