she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
