I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
