Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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