woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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