I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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