My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
