My friends, they love my intelligence
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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