Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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