Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
