we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
