Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
