Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
