I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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