what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
