I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
