I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
