I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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