You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
