Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
