If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
