i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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