The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
