You just made me feel so damn special
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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