I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
