I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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