ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
