Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
