her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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