he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Are we still banned from the library?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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