my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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