when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Houston, we have a blender
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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