and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
