I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
