just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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