how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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