ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
