First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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