I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
