I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
