Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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