i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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