3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
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She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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