i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
