God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
