If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
