It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
