I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We are all done wearing pants today
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
