Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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