One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
