Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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