Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
