Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
