My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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