I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
