I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
