a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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