you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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