I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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