FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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