burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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